Hello there, neighbor. It’s good to see you. I have so many things we should talk about today. Do you like things that are new? Of course you do. Did you know that the Harbor Entrepreneur center has released details of its 6th cohort? Oh, hello, Trolley. Let’s take a trip to see what new visitors we have in the neighborhood of startups.
Do you ever watch TV? Do you know that in between parts of the show there are things called commercials? We all love to watch commercials. And we all like to buy things. But sometimes we do not feel like going shopping. Use your imagination with me. Imagine you are very old, and have a long grey beard and thick glasses, but you can’t get out of bed because you had problems with your hip. Wouldn’t you like to shop on your phone? If you saw something you liked on YouTube, like a Vintage T-shirt, you could just tap the screen, and the next thing you know, Mister McFeely would drop it off on his bicycle. It is fun to imagine things.
Are you afraid of the dark? We all are, sometimes. It’s OK to be afraid.
Who do I see coming up the path? Why, it is Daniel Striped Tiger! Daniel, you are putting lights on everything? They keep you from being afraid of the dark, I see. Daniel has even put lights on his underpants. Daniel Tiger, did you ever see the movie Tron?
Daniel Tiger’s lights will help give us courage. At least until the batteries run out. Then we’ll find out what a dark place the world really is.
Oh, look, lady Elaine is in the Museum go round. It looks like she has created a new startup. Do you know what a startup is? Well, that’s OK, no one really does.
Do you ever have ideas? Well, if you do, Lady Elaine can give you a hip website, an email address, and a set of social media accounts that you can use to say what you feel inside. That’s right. Its a startup for creating startups. It seems the museum is going around again.
Oh look, is that a unicorn I see? Is this the neighborhood of make-believe?
Do you like to go outside? Me neither. I’d much rather stay inside and play video games. My mother was always telling me “get out of the basement young man and use that college degree you earned”. But would you go outside if you could absorb “stimulating content” and be “entertained on all platforms?” Maybe. It is OK if you need to think about it.
When we feel scared, we like to talk about it. We feel safe when we talk to a parent or a responsible adult. It gives me a happy feeling inside to know that Mom’s handgun is in a safe, accident-preventing heirloom leather holster. It is good to feel safe.
Sometimes we adults like to meet our friends and drink fancy glasses of juice. It makes us feel special. But you know, as grown-ups, we do have to pay for that juice. Also sometimes as grownups we do things that are embarrassing and would rather storm out the door without waiting in line to pay. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just leave and nobody had to know?
Remember I said sometimes we have to pay for our juice? After drinking juice with our adult friends, grown-ups have to go back to work. We might not like to go back to work, but as grown-ups, we sometimes have to do things we do not like. Have you ever felt grumpy before? One thing that can bring a smile back to a grumpy person’s face is a warm cup of coffee. But do you know, some people drink coffee cold. Silly, isn’t it? Our friends at Barista Vending have learned how to make cold coffee by recycling leftover coffee from a place called Star Bucks. They must have a lot of bucks to make those huge containers full of cold coffee.
Ahhh for the good ole days of 2014 when we had genuine Tech Startups to compare and ogle and speculate about in Slack.
There is no competition this time around; sorry hipster wallets and hipster coffee and startups for startups, it’s Vaetas FTW!
Contrary to popular belief, startups are a huge market, and early-stage entrepreneurs have big money. How else would they be able to quit their jobs for 51% of zero revenue?